Latest Articles...
Click on the headlines for more!
Town Tense After Cave-In Traps Nine Minors
General
9/21/2007 10:09:32 AM
by: Asinine
The sleepy town of Logan, WV is holding out hope that nine minors trapped in a sex-dungeon cave-in are still alive and can be rescued.
More...
Diaper Wearing Astronaut Given Change
Law
3/8/2007 12:33:00 PM
by: Data
Astronaut Lisa Nowak was a little too full of crap for NASA and so she was fired today. Nowak is the first astronaut the agency has ever had to fire. In addition she is the first active duty astronaut to be charged with a felony. What sort of felonies the inactive astronauts have been getting into MSNBC leaves to the imagination.
More...
Flash: Smokeless Tobacco Still Bad For You
Health
3/1/2007 4:05:54 PM
by: Data
It seems the people who switch from smoking to smokeless tobacco to avoid the nasty health problems associated with cigarettes aren´t doing themselves any favors. A new study concludes that smokeless tobacco users are 46% more likely to develop lung cancer than those who avoid tobacco entirely. In other news... chemotherapy still not fun.
More...
Get out of my crib, get into my car...
Business
2/28/2007 12:07:37 PM
by: Rogue
A woman in Colorado has been arrested for using her baby as a down payment on a car. The infant was traded to a couple for cash plus a used Dodge Intrepid. I´ll let that sink in.
More...
In, out, drunk, sober, still bald!
Entertainment
2/21/2007 3:36:30 PM
by: Rogue
Britney Spears continues to challenge our title creation abilities. One day after checking herself into rehab, she's checked back out again. Apparently she's so coked up she thought the clinic was a Best Western.
More...
From the "Unlikely" department.
Entertainment
2/20/2007 4:57:03 PM
by: Rogue
Britney Spears has checked herself into rehab after shaving her head and getting some impromptu tattoos. None of this is truly surprising. Her manager has asked "that the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time," though, which we at CGW find totally laughable.
More...
God Likes Rolex And Lexus
Religion
2/20/2007 2:37:28 PM
by: Data
Jesus Christ is back and he´s rocking some luxury automobiles and sporting only the finest in timepieces. That´s right everyone, if you were waiting for the second coming, well wait no more because Pastor Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda says he has got Jesus´ spirit inside of him and that spirit is going to come out and smack you into eternal damnation if you don´t start clicking on his website´s Paypal link!
More...
Anna Nicole Still Dead. Media, Still On It!
Entertainment
2/15/2007 3:13:45 PM
by: Data
Anna Nicole Smith remains dead! The media is still following the tawdry tale as the contentious litigation of the survivors turns to who gets the body. While Smith's mother wants her daughter buried in Texas, Smith's lawyer Howard K. Stern wants the body buried in the Bahamas where Smith's son is buried. This will all be worked out on the upcoming reality series "The Anna Nicole Smith Is Dead What Do We Do With The Body Show?"
More...
FS: Al Capone Statue - Life Sized - Hardly Used
Law
2/13/2007 2:44:09 PM
by: Data
Angela Buckborough Platt pleaded guilty Monday to embezzling $6.9 million dollars over six years from her apparently well to do and not too observant employer. Platt, who only pocketed $40,000 per year from her actual salary used her ill-gotten gains to purchase a bunch of crazy junk including a life size statue of Al Capone; six talking trees modeled after the "Wizard of Oz" characters and a 20-foot-tall smoke-breathing dragon. Platt outbid Michael Jackson on eBay for most of her items.
More...
Photos show Anna Nicole Smith... CLOTHED!
Sex
2/12/2007 11:22:08 AM
by: Rogue
In a shocking turn of events, photos have been discovered showing Anna Nicole Smith fully clothed. Not only that, in the photos Smith is in bed with a man. Smith´s lawyer is worried that these pictures have been released after her death simply to tarnish her image.
More...