LOGAN, WEST VIRGINIA (CGW) -- The small town of Logan, WV, population 12,000, is holding out hope that nine minors trapped after a sex-dungeon cave-in are still alive and can be rescued.  The cause of the cave-in, which occurred late Wednesday night, is unknown at this time.  What is known is that nine girls, ages 11 to 15, are trapped in the debris that was once an underground lair in iniquity.  Seventeen other persons, minors and patrons, are believed to have escaped safely.

"We was just about to play Baby-Oil-Twister, you know, when we heard this rumblin' and shakin' and the floor started to shake," said local resident Clyde Parker, who was visiting the "Hot Tots Dungeon" with his girlfriend Cathi.  "Me and Cathi just high-tailed it out of there.  I don't think [dungeon resident] Rachel made it out."

Parker was one of dozens of residents holding vigil at the sight of the collapse since it happened.  Rescue crews are also on the scene, and have been working non-stop in shifts.  Rescue operations manager Jim Schultz is optimistic.  "We've got the equipment that we need here on-site, and everyone's workin' real hard to get these minors out safely."  So far, however, only a few giant lollipops, knee-high socks, and some cotton "My Little Pony" undies have been retrieved.  When asked why he holds out hope, Schultz says, "Well, I happen to know that there were a lot of strong steel cages, racks, and other things that could have created space in the debris that would have protected the minors."

CGW asked mining engineering professor, Dr. Cory Oppenheimer of the University of West Virginia about his experience with these types of cave-ins.  "What?  Sex dungeon?  What the hell are you talking about?"  When pressed for futher details on general sex dungeon rescue protocols, he simply turned down the family pictures on his desk and called security.

This is not the first collapse of a sex dungeon in recent history.  Two such events occurred in California during the 1988 earthquake in which eight minors were killed and many more injured.  And more recently, a sex dungeon in Moblie, AL collapsed when the storm surge from hurricane Rita hit the city.  Fortunately, all minors from the Mobile sex-dungeon had been evacuated and were safe... relatively speaking.

Dr. H. G. Crandle of the Society for the Preservation of Human Resources has long advocated for stricter safety standards for underground sex-lairs, especially those that employ minors.  "The general population doesn't seem to realize that only so many hot ten year olds become hot tweens each year.  They don't grow on trees.  It's imperative that we take whatever steps are necessary to protect this vitally important human resource."  A spokesperson for The Alternative Satisfaction Society who wished to remain anonymous took a different perspective.  "This tragic event should be a wakeup call to Americans.  The need to find alternative extasy sources is more pressing than ever."  The The Alternative Satisfaction Society has long advocated for the development of life-like silicon Herminone Granger and Hanna Montana dolls.  However, Dr. Crandle disagrees that these alternatives are practical.  "Maybe ten, twenty, thirty years down the road the technology will exist.  But if you look at what we have today--the "Real Dolls"--they're just not where they need to be to fill the gap.  And even then, there will still be a demand for the real thing.  What we can do at this time is ensure that the sex dungeons we have are safe places to work and play."

This poses a complex problem since studies show that over 90% of sex lairs are subterranian.

The safety debate is of no consolation to the citizens of Logan, WV.  For now, they bring flowers, light candles, comfort each other, and wait for word of the fate of the nine trapped minors.